


alastar's mum calls him star pass it on

by eunhyeo



Category: C0NSTANTS
Genre: Gen, is v confused, my smol confused son, w0
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 05:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6740035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunhyeo/pseuds/eunhyeo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alastar questions some things after the kiss.<br/>set after this: http://fav.me/d9yn7ew</p>
            </blockquote>





	alastar's mum calls him star pass it on

He couldn't sleep. 

He couldn't sleep, but he couldn't go to Ingressus because- just _because-_ and it was four in the morning and it was dark and it was quiet and his mind was loud.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, thoughts wandering.

His first kiss had been during secondary school. She was smiles and laughter and cloying perfume, and he'd tagged along behind her, tripping over his own feet as she pulled him into the corner. He didn't know what he was doing, and she didn't either, and their kiss had been all teeth and awkward shuffling and a blush that spread from his cheeks to his fingertips. The next day, she ignored him as she passed by, and he didn't see her for the rest of the year.

His second kiss... His second kiss didn't count as a kiss. And his third kiss didn't either. Because that had happened when he was drunk and in virtual reality, and kissing people- to be precise, cute strangers that you met in bars _and oh my god he needed to stop-_ didn't count. Right? Right. Kissing in virtual reality was like kissing in those dating simulator games. It most definitely didn't count.

So he needed to forget how warm it had been, how nice it had felt to be so close to someone else. He needed to forget whatever had threatened to overwhelm him, and stop thinking about it and-

But even if he forgot, he'd still not-a-kiss kissed a stranger, and even if he had been drunk, he'd still kissed a guy. He knew he wasn't bi. He was heterosexual. Straight. He wasn't attracted to males, he liked females, because he wasn't- he just wasn't. Not that there was anything wrong with that, and it would be fine if he was, and he really was okay with the thought, really, but- Rolling over, he pulled his blankets over his head, biting his lip. He needed a drink. Or two. Or five. Except the last time he'd gone out, he kissed someone and what if he did that in real life and-

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. Taking a deep breath, he tried to relax, before answering.

"Hello?"

A fuzzy voice replied, too loud compared to the silence in his room.

"Star? Are you there?"

He sat up, running a hand through his hair.

"Mama, it's four in the morning," he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "And I told you to stop calling me that."

"Five," she corrected. He could hear the sound of pots and running water in the background, along with a door slamming shut. "Besides, aren't you usually up by now?"

"That was only once," he replied. "Anyways, why are you calling?" 

There was stomping and a moment of muffled yelling, and then her voice again. "Your father always forgets to turn the fan on when he's cooking," his mother huffed, and he could practically imagine her waving a spoon around. "But your aunties and I were wondering if you were going to visit for Easter. You haven't visited since Thanksgiving, you know, even though you promised to come for Christmas. Isn't it lonely, celebrating all by yourself? Your apartment was so empty, too, the last time I saw it. You really need to take care of yourself better... Eat properly. You need a girlfriend, Star. You're almost thirty, and it's about time you got married; maybe you'd inherit the shop then-"

He swallowed, something heavy in his chest. It was the same thing she said as always, but this time it felt worse. What if he didn't get a girlfriend? What if he got a boyfriend instead? 

"Mama, I have to go. I'll call you later." 

Before she could protest, he hung up, falling back onto his bed. Staring at the ceiling for a moment, the thought struck him again. 

_What if I get a boyfriend instead?_

Rolling onto his stomach, he buried his face into his pillow and _screamed._

That kiss didn't count.

**Author's Note:**

> :3


End file.
